The 3 Awkward Conversations Every Affiliate Manager Will Have (And How to Handle Them)

So you did it. You launched your own affiliate program.

You’re now empowering creators and marketers to spread the word about your amazing products.

For a while, it’s all smooth sailing. You approve new partners, watch the referral links trickle in, and get a thrill every time an affiliate makes a sale. You’re not just a store owner anymore, you’re a program manager.

And then it happens.

You see a commission that looks… off.

Or an email from a top performer lands in your inbox with a bold request.

Suddenly, you have to have that conversation. The one that isn’t about marketing assets or exciting new products. The awkward one.

Running an affiliate program isn’t just about the technology, it’s about managing relationships.

And every successful program manager has learned to master these three awkward, but essential, conversations.

Conversation #1: The “I Have to Reject This Commission” Talk

The Scenario: You get a new sale notification from an affiliate. Exciting! But when you check the order details, the customer’s name and shipping address are an exact match for the affiliate’s own information. They’ve used their own link to make a personal purchase, effectively giving themselves a discount.

Why It’s Awkward: It feels deeply personal. You’re not just enforcing a rule; you’re calling out their specific action. They might get embarrassed, defensive, or genuinely not have realised it was against your policy. Your fear is that you’ll make them feel like they’ve been caught trying to cheat the system.

How to Handle It: Assume ignorance before malice. Frame the conversation as a helpful clarification of the rules, not an accusation. Your goal is to educate them on the purpose of the program.

Never just click “Reject” without an explanation. Send a personal email that follows this simple, three-part script: The Positive + The Problem + The Path Forward.

Example Email Script:

Sujet : Quick note re: commission for Order #12345

Bonjour [Nom de l'affilié],

It was great to see you join our affiliate program, and we’re so happy to have you as a partner!

I’m reaching out about the commission related to Order #12345. I’m afraid I have to reject this specific one. Our affiliate program is set up to reward partners for referring new customers to our store, and our terms don’t allow for commissions on self-referred purchases. Since the customer details for this order match the information on your affiliate account, it falls into that category.

This is a really common point of confusion, so I wanted to reach out personally to clarify! Going forward, just be sure to use your unique link when you’re promoting our products to your audience. We’re still thrilled to have you in the program and can’t wait to see the new customers you bring in.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

Le meilleur,

[Votre nom]

Why this works: You immediately defuse the tension by saying it’s a “common point of confusion,” which gives the affiliate an easy out and prevents them from feeling embarrassed. You clearly state the rule and the philosophy behind it (“rewarding partners for referring new customers”) and end on a positive, forward-looking note. You’ve corrected the behaviour without damaging the relationship.

How to Prevent It: Make sure you have enabled affiliate fraud features in Coupon Affiliates to help prevent fraudulent orders like this.

Conversation #2: The “We Need to Part Ways” Talk

The Scenario: An affiliate just isn’t a good fit. At worst, they’re engaging in outright fraud or spammy tactics. More subtly, their brand may have evolved to be out of sync with yours, their content quality may have dropped, or they might just be dormant and cluttering your dashboard.

Why It’s Awkward: This is the business equivalent of a break-up. It’s a direct confrontation that feels personal. You don’t want the drama, the angry emails, or the potential for them to bad-mouth your brand.

How to Handle It: Be direct, be final, and be professional. Do not leave room for negotiation. This isn’t a performance review, it’s a notification.

For serious violations (like fraud or trademark bidding), the tone should be firm and rooted in your Terms of Service. For a softer “bad fit” situation, the tone can be gentler but just as firm.

Example Email Script (For a “Bad Fit”):

Sujet : An update on your affiliate account with [Your Brand]

Bonjour [Nom de l'affilié],

I’m writing to you today to let you know that we will be deactivating your affiliate account on [Date, e.g., September 1, 2025].

As our brand has grown, we’ve refined the focus of our affiliate program to partner more closely with [mention your ideal affiliate, e.g., creators in the professional home decor space]. After a review of all our partners, we’ve had to make some tough decisions to ensure our program remains aligned with these goals.

Please note that this decision is final. Any pending commissions earned up to this point will be paid out on our standard schedule.

We have genuinely appreciated your interest in our brand and wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

Sincerely,

[Votre nom]

Why this works: It’s polite but leaves no room for argument. It provides a strategic reason (“we’ve refined our focus”) rather than a personal one (“we don’t like your content”), which is harder to dispute. It confirms final payment and ends the relationship cleanly.

Conversation #3: The “Can I Get a Raise?” Talk

The Scenario: One of your best affiliates emails you. They’re driving consistent, high-quality sales, and they want a higher commission rate.

Why It’s Awkward: It puts you on the spot. If you say no, you risk demotivating or even losing a top performer. If you say yes, you could hurt your margins or set a precedent that you can’t maintain for everyone else.

How to Handle It: Treat it as a business negotiation, not a personal request. Your goal is to make your best partners feel valued while making a decision that’s profitable for your business. The magic word is “if.”

Instead of a simple “Yes” or “No,” turn it into a performance-based opportunity. This shows you’re willing to invest in them, but it puts a goal on them to deliver more value in exchange for more commission.

Example Email Script:

Sujet : Re: Commission Rate

Bonjour [Nom de l'affilié],

It’s great to hear from you. We are absolutely thrilled with the results you’ve been driving, and we agree that you’re one of our most valuable partners.

I’ve been thinking about how we can reward our top performers, and I’d like to propose a new tier for you.

Currently, you’re at our standard 10% rate. Si you can increase your monthly sales to over [Realistic Target, e.g., $5,000/month] for two consecutive months, I’d be happy to permanently bump your commission to 15% on all future sales.

Does that sound like a goal we could work towards together? Let me know how I can support you in getting there.

Cheers,

[Votre nom]

Why this works: You’ve turned their request into a collaborative, goal-oriented challenge. You’ve validated their importance but tied the reward to future growth, not past performance. This “If-Then” framework protects your margins while giving your best affiliates a clear, motivating path to earning more. You can even use the performance bonuses feature in Coupon Affiliates to gamify your program, allowing you to easily create and track the goals.

By mastering these three conversations, you’ll transform from someone who simply has an affiliate program into a confident manager who can build a resilient, professional, and highly profitable marketing channel for your business.

Elliot Sowersby

Elliot Sowersby est un développeur WordPress du Yorkshire, au Royaume-Uni. Il est le fondateur et le développeur principal de Coupons affiliés et RelyWP.